My PerfeCt Man

another 2mths+ to go!! so sick of my current job.. do more pay less.. really not enough 4 mi 2 carry on.. i've got my bf, the perfect 1 who has been there 4 me through my ups & downs.. though makes me angry at times, he has given in much to me.. love ya so much!! being in a relationship, the most important thing is COMMITMENT.. never say "lets part" at a moment of anger.. coz it will alwayz be remembered.. stand strong & try to change not immediately, but slowly.. when ur loved 1 has seen the changes in u, they will follow suit.. dun try to change your loved 1.. coz they are like tat.. i've learned so much from JS.. realli so much that i noe he's the 1 for me.. he's changed me & i believe juz like the start, that we will make it through the rain.. even if 1 day he may have happiness without me, i'll alwayz b happi 4 him & love him juz as much.. feel so happi & fulfilled with my life.. i'll always be there 4 him watever happens..

met up with janelle my close fren yesterday.. studying in a polytechic now.. realli so happi & glad 4 her.. my god-brother is out.. xiaodi.. known him 4 the past 10 yrs.. really wish him all the best in watever he does.. after my tag is over, will be working with my mum in a law firm.. hopefully all goes well & i'm happi tat they have offered me a pay tat i'm so more than satisfied with.. all is well 4 me.. my career, family & love life.. wat more can i ask 4??

6 mOnths gOing on 7..

this is the 6th month i'm out & its gonna b anOther crazy 5 mOnths 2 gO.. bOring... life at wOrk has been blOod sucking & tOtally drenched oUt.. but luckily i have my brO there wOrking there with me 2 let me trash out my sOrrOws.. wOrk really sucks! but the cOmpany has really been rewarding me well..

recently life has been muCh beta 4 me.. cOz ther has been this sOmeOne whO has been mOtivating me & given me endless suppOrt in watever i dO.. finally sOmeOne understands me that much that i dun need to finish my sentence cOz he will dO it 4 me.. i never thOught i cOuld trust again, but he prOved me wrOng & i fully trust in this relatiOnship that will bring us 2 further heights.. the best thing is, my mum likes him..

i really miz the past but i am mOre excited in my future.. i juz want 2 lead a simple, cOntented life like nOw.. have plans 2 study & wOrk after my detentiOn is over.. i've alsO fOrgiven my dad & dO meet up with him.. thOugh, he hasn't changed much.. he's making an effOrt & i'll juz dO wat a daughter needs 2 dO.. he's getting old.. can't expect him 2 make big changes.. a step @ a time.. i'm trying 2 quit smOking nOw, hOpefully drinking in future alsO.. its nOt a matter of determinatiOn but mOre of 'want' OR 'dun wan'.. i dun wan 2 "tok like thunder but nO rain"..

dOesn't life seem juz perfect 4 me to have lOved onces by my side?? thats wat life is abOut, but unfOrtunately, many fail 2 be cOntented with themselves.. thats wat makes peOple selfish & ignorant & cynical.. been attending service at the New CreatiOn Church.. Pastor Prince is a wOnderful speaker & teacher.. love the service..

Till then!

3 mOnths out

hey there, tiz is the 3rd month tat i'm out.. really lucky 2 be out here.. but feeling stressed out deep inside.. there's so many things that i still can't get used to.. get into a relatiOnship?? i can't.. juz can't.. when a guy treats me well, i get irritated.. finally, i'm 21 on the nov 4.. !! but still no key to my tag! still have memories of the past.. unable 2 forget everything.. never regretted but hate this feeling.. shit man! it juz seems so familiar.. currently working for HSBC doing credit cards.. well, banking is really not 4 me.. but i can't quit too.. really duno hw 2 live the next 9 MONTHS!! at work everyone has a target, target is something not meant to be met, but as long as ur close, you're fine.. it feels so de-motivating when u face like 100 rejections a day & u have 2 motivate urself 2 keep going.. really SI BEI SIAN AR!! worst is, u still gotta keep to the restrictions of tagging! haizzzzzzzzzz!

finally i've hit the 15 accounts target for the week! happy man! i'm the tOp sales persOn 4 the week.. next week is a new week of war again.. lifes been challenging 4 me recently.. juz dunnO hw lOng i'll last.. i dun have tat much energy all the time man!! recently i've been attending the church service @ city harvest every sunday mOrning.. feel tat God has been treating me really well.. everythings gOing well 4 me... i juz leave everything 2 him.. didn't really have much faith last time, but ever since i started gOing 2 church, everything juz falls intO place... i've recently alsO started tOking 2 a childhoOd fren called weiming, he's dOing really well nw, studyin @ laselle & an tattoO artist by appOintment! haha.. he loOks really hapi & satisfied with life.. tats sOmething i wan too.. being fulfilled in life though simple..

1 mOnth old

its been a month since i came out.. life still the same.. not yet ready 2 open up 2 the real world yet.. realised that the world is getting faster & faster each day.. everything has 2 be fast.. even in work, u dun hit ur target u get de-motivated.. singaporeans working too hard i guess! sometimes during the weekends do for a drink or something.. juz 2 relief the stresses @ work.. 2moro will be the 1st of Oct.. i'll be left with 10 mths to go! say like so fast, but in the process, Sian ar! i received Yongli's letter, he's an ex-bf who i got caught with.. he still has a very long time.. i told myself tat i have 2 be there 4 him till 2011.. i motivate him thru my letters & cards 2 him.. i really hope he has a beta life after this.. if he still doesn't change, i really duno wat to say liao.. yesterday, i went 2 a pub @ boat quay called white bar.. met up with an old buddy.. seems the same 2 me.. our friendship is also the same, thought that we may seem a little strange, but luckily we didn't..

Life In Prison

[a photo of me & my very missed brother, Allan]

Well, life in prison isn't exactly bad if u know hOw 2 fend 4 urself.. but dun overdO it lah.. it was when i talked 2 this girl in prison that told me i can't carry on this way.. this girl is only arOund 25 this year.. sentenced to a total of 22yrs.. she will only be out in 2016.. i mean, can anyOne see theirselves in 2016? not me.. anOther ah ma who i saw inside was also sentenced to 20+ yrs.. already 70+ this year.. but spent half her lifetime in there.. she was caught 4 cOoking her own opium @ home.. cool thing 2 do man!! well she's been in there since 1994.. becoz she's old & sick.. she's grumpy.. sO no one wants 2 stay with her to take care of her.. most of her time inside was spent in the cell alone.. i dun wanna grow old tat way man..

Now, after a few weeks out, still abit lost & dun wish 2 open 2 the real wOrld juz as yet.. too soon.. no cOnfidence of myself too.. life outside is much mOre stressful than inside.. inside yOu only have 2 wOrry whether your family is gonna visit you & boredOm.. as 4 outside, you really have 2 learn hOw 2 protect urself & one wrOng decisiOn can make your life go down the drain.. so DUN TRY anything brave if you dunno the concequences well.. I myself am nOt that strong yet.. sO i try 2 stay away when i can.. hOpe the people who are close 2 me understand this phrase i'm going thru..

The food inside sucks man!! Almost everyday is "tao kua & spinach".. if u are lucky, you will taste sand in the vege.. if not u'll be seeing ladybugs or ur friendly worm wriggling around.. i know myself tat this juz the starting & i will definitely say things to motivate myself but i really wanna change.. Really.. but juz unable 2 unlOck tat secOnd prison named, Society..

"People aren't bOrn with Hatred, it was beaten intO them gradually"

My ChildhoOd

i grew up in a average chin-dian family.. my dad was tat typical drinking & violent indian.. used 2 cOme up home drunk & started 2 break things in the hOme.. if unlucky, mum & i wOuld get it frOm him too.. there was once that he tried 2 hang himself on a pole outside the bathroOm.. luckily my mum brOught him dOwn & he got intO a fits so we called 995.. the best thing is, in the hOspital the next day, he didn't remember a single thing tat happened.. even accused us of making stOries..

since 5, i helped him 2 pack his drugs.. by the age of 11, i was glue-stiffing in the neighbOurhoOd 'lOngkangs' of bishan park.. i started 2 play truant & my attendance was like 14/96.. meaning i only went 2 schOol 14 days in the semestar.. i upgraded frOm glue-stiffing 2 ketamine, ecstasy, 5 & eventually ice.. i got caught in the yr 2000 where i was sent 2 Toa Payoh Girls Home for 2 yrs.. i was there fOr 22 mths b4 being released early fOr gOod behaviour..

when i came out i was still yOung & withOut a gOal in life.. i tOok my O levels but only went 4 the English paper.. sO i only got a credit in english.. i lOved tattoos, i mean who dOesn't? the 1st day i was released frOm the hOme, i started 2 take drugs again.. reasOn being 2 lose weight.. i tOld myself after i lOst weight i wOuld stOp.. i didn't..

in 2005, while i was in a hOtel rOom with my bf & frenz, the dOor got brOke dOwn by the CNB & i was caught yet again.. the 1st thing tat came 2 my mind was 2 jump dOwn that building.. we were @ the 7th floor.. i didn't dare lah.. my urine tested positive fOr Ice, K & 5.. i was sentenced tO 3 yrs imprisonment in Changi Womens Prison..

i'll cOntinue again on my time spent in Prison.. gtg now..

off day

wOw.. juz gOt my blOg ready.. tink i'm gOnna write a bOok bOut it.. well, the truth is juz came out of prisOn becOz of a drug offence.. ain't ashamed of it cOz it taught mii alOt.. met ppl frOm differant walks of life.. grandmOthers at the age of 70+ still serving their sentence, really hits me hard.. at least i still have a great career with mii.. intending 2 bring it tO further heights.. u believe i'll dO it?

guess i'll cOntinue 2moro.. lOtz 2 talk abOut.. this photo is the old me.. read further & u'll see the new me.. hahaz!